Moonies
by Cypher
Summary: Ficlet. Jack has to deal with fans of a certain show...


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Moonies

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By Cypher

Colonel Jack O'Neill could not believe he was going to have this discussion. Could not believe that he would have to talk to these two people about appropriate purchases, what money is used for, and what not to waste it on. Not even Cassie was this bad. She was very conscientious of money, and a conservative spender by even his standards.

But this, this just was just…there was no way to adequately explain how he was feeling. Sure, he was pissed. Hammond was pissed, the Pentagon was pissed, everyone was. Over a thousand dollars had been spent. That in of itself wasn't unusual, but the fact that it had happened in less than two weeks, and the merchandise that had been purchased, that's what upset everybody.

When he first heard the news, though, he had been confused. It was only thanks to the General's explanation (which he learned from his granddaughters) that he realized the seriousness of the situation. Well, somewhat seriousness. If Hammond hadn't been there glaring at him, Jack was sure he would've wet himself laughing. In many ways, it was hilarious. And, thankfully, he hadn't been the one to start it. Nope, the blame rested squarely with Fraiser, Cassie, and Carter; especially Carter.

Carter, the supposedly smartest scientist in the world, had started this, and she was currently hiding in her lab in shame. Word spread pretty quickly, and within a few hours everyone would know about her closet hobby. To make matters worse, she couldn't even escape to another world. The General had grounded her until the entire mess was straightened out.

And, like a good commander, Jack had taken pity on her as she hung her very red face. She'd be blushing for a few days, he figured. So he volunteered to clean up the said mess. It couldn't be too hard, right? That was until he started walking the halls. Some people were humming the theme song, much to the chagrin of their co-workers. Some were giving them strange looks, but others were cringing; mostly the ones who had daughters. 

Jack didn't judge them. After all, it was a catchy song, though somewhat dumb. Personally, he didn't see what the appeal was. Even Carter couldn't explain why she liked it, she just did. Okay, so the mini-skirts were a bit of a turn-on, but it just wasn't worth the torture of watching the damned thing. The voices, the plots, and they were animated. It made no sense to him.

As he approached the quarters, he could hear the theme song playing through the door, as well as two raised voices. At first he thought it was an airman who had been sick of hearing the music and was arguing to turn it down, but as he got closer, he realized the conversation was something entirely different.

"Come on, you know she could take on a goa'uld."

"You are wrong, JonasQuinn. None of them could stand against a goa'uld for long."

"They heal people almost every day! And how often have they beat the bad guys?"

"While her ability may free the host of their symbiote, her clumsiness and inability to focus would be her downfall. She would not make it past the lowest of Jaffa."

"That's what the others are there for! And you have to admit, Mars could fry a whole army of Jaffa before they realized what they were up against."

Jack let out a sigh as Teal'c grunted, and opened the door while knocking, not wanting to hear any more of this conversation. "Hey guys."

Jonas waved at his entrance. "Colonel."

Teal'c, of course, inclined his head. "O'Neill. Please inform JonasQuinn the Sailor Moon could not take on a goa'uld with her current capabilities."

"One Healing Activation and they'd be begging for mercy."

Jack stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked to the ceiling, trying to tune out the TV as it blared 'In the name of the moon, I will punish you!' "Teal'c, buddy, besides the fact that the question disturbs me deeply, we need to talk about something a little more important. You too, Quinn. We need to discuss the fact that you two are…Moonies." 

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Author's Prattle: Just a quick little ditty I had to poke out. I mean, come on, the two of them would be sucked into the Moonie realm so fast neither would know what happened. Sadly, I wasn't sure if I could portray them right, or even capture it. I'm sure someone could do a far better version, and I'm welcome to any other versions! Tis always fun to compare fics with a similar theme. Just imagine how Daniel would deal with it.

Okay, enough about that. I don't own Stargate SG-1. That's property of SciFi and MGM, I think. Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi and the dub to…Pioneer Entertainment, I believe (it's switched a few times). If I got the command wrong, sorry. I hate dub like the plague (manga's good, though; go check it out). 

Okay, so that's it for one-shot. Hopefully it wasn't THAT bad, and as always, comments are welcome, and I hope you enjoyed!


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